Living Life Through Quotes

A good quote can motivate somebody to try something new, persist through tough times, or make necessary changes in their life. Quotes are so powerful because they embody an entire mindset, image, story, and lifestyle within one single sentence.

In my perspective, what makes a quote set itself apart is if it actually motivates you to take action with your life simply by the burning desire it ignited in you. Sounds powerful and somewhat unbelievable, huh? It happens and it will right now.

Following the quotes below will include a very small and incredibly manageable exercise to complete. Do this and consider you day a success.


1.

Exercise: Since scheduling makes it real, lets schedule! Think about something that you enjoy doing,  that is positive for you, or brings you great vibes and schedule it for the very near future. Set this in your calendar, with as many reminds as possible, and lets make this real!

2. 

Exercise: Keep it simple stupid. What we are constant and consistent with, as simple as it sounds, is what makes the real difference. Choose something right now, that is once again extremely manageable and positive (requires minimal time, minimal resources, and minimal excuses) and agree to do it every day for 30 days. Some people may choose taking one deep breath a day, drinking a glass of water in the morning, or saying hello to one stranger. 

Whatever you choose, stay consistent and constant.

3. 

Exercise: For this exercise, I want you to do two things.

First, write down something you love doing.

Second, write down something you could do with more love. 

4. 

Exercise: Wrong? Never! For this exercise I want you to write down or state out loud something that you have been wrong about. After all, we all have been wrong at some point in our life. 

5. 

Exercise: If you don't appreciate what life has offered you, you begin to take it for granted. Write down 5 things that you appreciate in your life (if you have more then 5 keep the list going!).

Congratulations! If you followed the exercises then you have had one successful day.

Take this message with you,

Live your life by continuing to grow through your actions, being consistent, appreciating everything, not fearing being wrong, and most of all, live your life with love.

Examine What You Tolerate

On Pinterest you can find nearly anything. From wedding ideas, workout routines, recipes, cute animal pictures, to quotes. If I had a specialty on Pinterest it would be finding unique, meaningful, and stimulating quotes to sit down and really think about (maybe even do something about). I know half of the population on social media believes, they are the quote gurus! I say, there can be many gurus.

I came across a quote a while back,

After reading this I thought for a moment about myself and some of the things that I allow to "slide by" throughout my day and week. What really grabbed me though, as seen through the work I do with clients, is that people tolerate very toxic things in their lives. 

"Examine what you tolerate". In other words, take a deeper look at what things you allow to exist, occur, and be done within your own life that you have convinced yourself are for your best interest. i

Individuals choose to tolerate a wide range of things in their lives that are believed to be for your benefit but are actually toxic to your life. 

Major "tolerated" toxic events;

• Having friends that put you down
• Being lied to frequently
• Being in a relationship that is abusive (verbal, physical, sexually, and neglectful)
• Negative treatment because "you are not good enough"
• Bullying because "you deserve it"
• Consistently giving up on going to the gym or your diet because it "won't make a difference"
• Bad habits (tolerated by the individual with the habit and others in their environment)

People tolerate all types of things as result of low self-worth and image, fear of others reactions, fear of "not being good enough", fear of "the unknown and uncertainty", the perceived consequences of not tolerating the event, and conditioning to tolerate these events from prior relationships. 

This month set-up an appointment with yourself for a real gut check. Ask yourself what types of things do you tolerate that may be limiting you and why do you tolerate them? 

We all have our faults, imperfections, bad habits, and things to work on. Let's start by being your own detective and asking these four questions.

1. What are the incredibly obvious things I tolerate in my life right now?
2. What are the tougher, more painful, and complicated pieces that you tolerate in your life? (true gut check)
3. What is the cost of continuing to tolerate these things?
4. What is the benefit of taking steps to stop tolerating these events?

When working on some of the events I have mentioned above you want to be under the supervision of a trained Mental Health Professional. If you feel as though this is the time make some of those changes use the link below. 

Find a Therapist: Find a Therapist near you

The Rich Kid Has Problems Too

If your child experiences poverty before the age of 5 research shows that there are serious negative outcomes that will most likely be coming their way. These negative affects could results in:

1. Protracted Stress (long-term)
2. Behavioral Issues (conduct disorder, anger regulation issues, getting into fights...etc)
3. Social Problems (social anxiety, body image issues, giving into peer pressure, bullying...etc)
4. Emotional Problems (depression, anxiety...etc)

Does this mean that American's are forced to make more money in order to ensure that their child will grow up to be "normal". The short answer, NOPE. I am afraid to say ladies and gentlemen but, 

MONEY IS NOT THE ANSWER

Before getting into this next section I would like to take a second to say that the facts, findings, research, and opinions expressed are not to minimize or criticize any individual's parenting. The following is used to serve as a platform for discussion and questioning on this very important topic. Parenting is an extremely arduous process and by no means has anybody perfected it. I applaud parents that try their best with what they are given and can ask for help when necessary. I hope these findings allow you to ask the important questions to help your family, friends family, and children. 

Recent research is showing significant increases in the social, emotional, and behavioral disturbances of the children that come from affluent families. Kids that come from families that make $150,000+ (over 2x the national average), have parents in high-status careers, attend the most prestigious schools, and have well-educated parents are at risk now too.

Some of the findings of this research shows that kids coming from affluent families are at risk for:

1. Substance abuse (high alcohol use, binge-drinking, marijuana use, and other hard drugs)
2. Delinquency from school 
3. Wide-spread cheating
4. Stealing from parents or peers
5. Maladjustment in school and social environments

A common misconception amongst affluent parents, and this is reinforced my many sources of media, is that money and education will prevent these events from happening or even solve them.

"If facts alone were enough to change an individual's behavior long-term, then there would be no overeating, alcohol abuse, cigarette smoking, or drug use. There needs to be more then just the facts."

YOUR OPINION

WHAT IS CAUSING THIS?

I want your opinion.

Share your thoughts below as to why children coming from affluent families may be experiencing more depression, anxiety, social problems, and substance abuse issues then before.

Some questions to think about:

• Why is this happening to kids coming from affluent families?
• Why is the magic school year 7th grade for most of these issues to present themselves? 
• Are you experiencing these issues? If so, how has the experience affected your family and what words can you offer others?

In the next blog, I will share with you the findings of some on-going research that breaks down why this may be happening and how to fix it.

ABC Is As Easy As 123

Dr. John Norcross is a Professor of Psychology & Psychiatry as well as an expert on changing human behavior. With over 30 years of backed research the "Stages of Change" have been developed and have helped thousands of individual see sustainable personal/professional change. 

Stemming from research based out of my undergraduate alma mater, University of Rhode Island, the "Trans-theoretical Model" became the go to formula for successful change.

One aspect of change is to conduct a little detective work in identifying what may be wrong and why it is happening in the first place. This is commonly referred to as your "Behavioral Chain". 

A Little Bit About the ABC's

Antecedents

• Occurs prior to the event and may trigger you to act a particular way. 
• Can include your environment, the people around you, the interaction with the individuals with you, and your mood. 
• Some detective questioning could include; Who are you with when you experience this behavior? What mood are you in when this behavior presents itself (sad, stressed, happy, bored, anxious...etc)? What time of day does this behavior typically come out (morning, day, night)?

Behavior

• The problem behavior
• Also, the healthy alternatives to the problem behavior.

Consequence

• Occur after the problem and usually rely on what the specific problem is. 
• *BEWARE* Short-term consequences can be very rewarding (taste good, relaxing...etc)
• *BEWARE* Long-term consequences can be painful and destructive (heart disease, stroke, cancers, obesity, diabetes...etc)
• We favor instant gratification rather then delayed gratification.
• Recording long-term consequences is just as important as recording the short-term.

A few tips on how to use the ABC's to change your behavior

1. Explore the antecedents to your behavior and find healthy alternative environments and social groups to prevent triggers that promote your problem behavior.
2. Create new healthier alternatives and substitutes to meet your need for variety, fun, and freedom. Learn a new relaxation technique or coping skills to get you through triggering antecedents. 
3. Reverse the consequence to your problem behavior and work backward through the ABC's to see what new antecedents and behaviors are necessary to end up with this new outcome. 

Check out this great worksheet for your 

ABC's and behavioral chain:

Determine My Behavioral Chain Worksheet

*Derived from Changeology By: John Norcross, PhD

The Insight Fallacy

Have you ever explained something to a friend or family member and their response is, "I know, I know, I know"? They seem to fully grasp the idea, concept, or reason for something that is happening around them all too well. 

Have you ever seen that same friend or family member that "understood" what and why something was happening, never change anything about it? Well, there's a name for that.

In the field of Psychology it is referred to as the "Insight Fallacy". 

Insight Fallacy: The belief that understanding a problem will solve the problem.

When gaining insight into a problem it may help us by,

1. Providing comfort, security, and safety in understanding what is wrong.
2. Assisting in the development of new problem-solving strategies. 
3. Giving meaningful new understanding which will create harmony between our thoughts, emotions, and actions.

However nice this may sound, insight alone will not change the problem. In order to take effective steps in changing the problem, you must first identify a few things by answering these questions.

• Is there a problem at all? If so, what is it?
• Have a tried changing this problem in the past 6 months?
• Do I plan on doing something about this within the next 30 days?

If you have not identified a problem, you are most likely not going to do anything about it, besides saying "I know, I know, I know". If you said "YES" to there being a problem, you must start thinking about how you are going to try and change it. Take a look at the "Stages of Change" and get a feel for where you may be. 

For each stage there are different tasks to complete, so make sure you are honest in which one you may be in. Being in the wrong stage at the wrong time will lead to frustration, relapse, and a decline in confidence. 

Take it one stage at a time, be patient with yourself, and know that there will be bumps in the journey. 

You got this.

What Am I Missing?

Recently, I came across a TED talk video that featured a mother and father (Roberto D'Angelo and Francesca Fideli) who were happily married in 2002 and gave birth to their beautiful son, Mario, in 2011. For many parents, children are a continuation of themselves, their lives, their ancestry, their story. Parents truly feel as though they have produced a miracle and a thing of absolute beauty to be cherished for many years to come. 

What happens when the same beauty, child, and miracle has a stroke?

Mario experienced what is known as a "Perinatal Stroke" at only 10 days of age. He was unable to control the left side of his body. While Mario lost some control in his newly formed life so did his parents while they were ambushed with a flood of emotions ranging from the feeling of failure, anxiety, depression, and confusion. What can a parent do in order to instill a sense of certainty, security, and safety? 

Mario's parents worked hard to help their child recover. They began a pilot program for Mirror Neuron Rehabilitation. 

As D’Angelo explains, “The theory of mirror neuron says that, in your brain, as you watch me do this, you are activating exactly the same neurons as if you do the actions.”

The goal for this program was to show Mario items, demonstrate how to pick them up, and use them. This would in turn be mirrored by Mario himself. What they discovered was that Mario was paying just as much attention to his parents emotions as he was to their body movements. 

Following this discovery Roberto and Francesca thought, what are we missing?

What am I missing? What is wrong? 

These questions come up quite frequently for parents and their children. Fortunately, Roberto and Francesca made the necessary shift in mindset to help their son Mario, but many people stay stuck in the "What is missing?" head game. 

What Mario's parents did, and what I encourage you to do RIGHT NOW is restructure that thought of "What is missing?" to "What can I offer?".

What is missing? vs What can I offer?

Ask your self important questions such as, "What do the individuals that know me best think I have to offer?" and "What can I offer to other people, my environment, and this world?"

                         AND

From now on, when you are faced with the question, "What am I missing?". Ask yourself,"What can I offer?"

Look at little Mario now!