Thursday, October 25, 2012

What Do You Think About Trust?

Trust is an important thing for many people. It is also an interesting topic to bring up in conversation. When you ask another individual about their thoughts on trust, they typically will have a quick response, such as, "It is very important to have trust.", or "You need to earn trust."

If we assume that both of those above statements are true than we must ask ourselves these two questions:

1. Is it really that important to have trust?
2. How much trust needs to be earned?

During my "Techniques for Success Group", I asked the individuals, "Why is it important to trust somebody?" The response I got was that of a crowd that did not speak the same language as me, silence. I decided on switching up the question and asked the group, "Why is it bad to trust somebody?", and suddenly they knew what to say.

Within 10 seconds I received feedback that would make you truly believe that trust is something horrible you want to stay away from. 

"Trusting people gets you hurt"
"You get screwed over"
"People take advantage of you"
"You become weaker to other people"

The human mentality to pursue pleasure (instant gratification) and avoid pain has made even the ability to trust a painful thing. So what needs to happen? In order to reestablish our trust in trust, we must follow the "Top 2 Ways to Improve Trust".

I. Finally give ourselves some credit!

Although we may believe that others need to "earn your trust", you give out enough for free. Humans inherently want to love and be loved by others. This allows us to trust people right away. Of course, the degree of trust and the events that can diminish or ignite it can vary greatly, but as a whole, we innately want to trust other humans. 

Have you said hi to a stranger in the past 30 days, had a conversation with somebody you didn't know too well, or played on a sports team before? If you said yes to any of these questions, you are guilty of instilling trust into another human instantly. We do this all of the time, and that is ok, even great at times. Understanding that there is a standard amount of instant trust you allow for each individual (will vary per individual) and learning how to build on it will allow you to fulfill your need of connection/love far greater and faster than before.


II. The Million Dollar Question to building trust.

After acknowledging and accepting that you allow other individuals to have a small amount of "instant" trust and giving yourself credit for it, you must ask yourself this question.

If you were to be paired with a complete stranger and placed in a room for 1 hour with the goal being to leave the room 1 hour later trusting each other the most possible, what would you be doing during that hour?

This simple question that is easy for some and near impossible for others will create a cheat sheet for easy ways to develop secure connections and trust.

Share in the comments section your 
answer to the question.


Lindsay Wolf said...

I would probably learn their life story. Get to know them inside and out. Find out what they were like as a child. Connect with them through their history. It's my favorite part about human interactions - the sharing of stories and finding the common thread in them. Thanks for this post Jon!

dreamer said...

When you give your best of time and affection and still people don't trust and try to hide things. it hurts sometime. staying with a stranger in a room for an hour is easier. we can atleast try to connect as lindsay said. but when your loved one does not trust you and tries to hide things from you you feel shattered and alone and having no cure when you love that person more than yourself.