Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Science of an Argument

The Resolution and Aftermath of a Fight

         Since conflict is a normal occurrence within a relationship, you will definitely be faced the challenge of how to handle it. Some people choose to avoid, yell, abuse, instigate, or regulate. While each of these serve their purpose, they will not help in strengthening your relationships with those around you.

Don't forget that we are all human and each have needs.
Remember this handy diagram?

Simple Breakdown:
Your job in a relationship is to meet the needs of your partner, while your partner's job is to likewise meet yours. When somebody perceives this not to be happening, there is conflict.

Simple answer, 
1. Figure out what needs aren't being met
2. Acknowledge and affirm that your partner feels this way
3. Communicate openly about how to meet the needs in the future 

With this, conflict is most likely resolved. 

Keys to a Successful Resolution and Aftermath:

The resolution and aftermath are contingent on a few ingredients. During "The Fight" try the following to help ensure a clean end to the conflict.

1. Timeouts: It is fair game to take a timeout and remove yourself 
                     from the conflict, BUT, you must explain why you 
                     need a timeout AND communicate that this is an
                     important conversation that you wish to be 
                     continued and simply need a couple mins to level out.  

2. Focus: Are you focusing on yourself? If so, remember your role
                 in a relationship, to meet the needs of your PARTNER. Take
                 a moment to focus on them and do your job to meet their
                 needs, while the "Law of Reciprocity" works for you.  

3. Gain: When conflict arises individuals typically jump into fight
              or flight mode and try to save themselves. Take a step back
              and ask yourself, "What am I gaining from this" and "How
              will this make my relationship stronger?" After answering 
              both these questions you will have a better gauge 
              as to whether you should be arguing in the first place!  

Enjoy using the principles from Part I, II, and III of  
"The Science of an Argument"


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