Our First Married Christmas!

The holidays, regardless of which ones you celebrate are about family, traditions, and appreciation. On August 9th of this year, I was married to Kate and welcomed with open arms to their family. One of the best days of my life, and the beginning of a brand new journey.

Very frequently in the following months to your wedding you are asked, "how is married life?". My response is always, "it is not much different than engaged life. If anything, Kate feels quite different because she has to change her name in 90 different places..." 

I may have oversimplified a little. A whole lot has changed. My life has gotten better in many ways.

This past week I participated in my first holiday season being married. It was full of new experiences mixed with the old traditions and turned out to be quite a time. So, did it all go well or was it a scene out of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?

Here are just a few things that were different this holiday:

1. I had the opportunity to be in a new "family photo".
2. Traveled more then ever (13 hours; Boston>South Jersey>Catskill, NY>Central MA>Boston)
3. Spent actual Christmas with Kate's family (the infamous "taking turns" with the holiday)
4. Experienced new "Wilson traditions"
5. Brought "Wolf traditions" to the Wilson's. 
6. Was able to open present with our wonderful dog Bipsy!
7. Was able to see and spend time with more family then ever before.
8. Received a ton of gift cards
9. Woke up the latest I have ever woken up to unwrap presents (9am opposed to 6am)
10. Gave out more "holiday thank you hugs" than ever before.
11. Was warmly welcomed to spend part of the holidays in 5 different homes.
12. Increased my New England sports gear by 300% on Christmas day (thanks Ellen!)

Based on these 12 things, I think it went pretty amazing. It really drove home the value of family, relationships, and our need for connection. Still, no matter how great this all feels the reality is also in the challenge of adapting to your new normal and change. The change in how you used to celebrate holidays and the people you spent it with.

I would be lying if I were to say it was easy to leave my family on Christmas Eve and not spend Christmas and my sister's birthday with her for the first time in my life. I can finally understand the challenges newly married couples face when it comes to the "splitting" the holidays. This really tests the true the essence of marriage; support, flexibility, and compromise. Compromising does not mean giving up something you enjoy (although that may happen), it means to get through something and reach an agreement with your partner that has its own intrinsic benefits. During this specific change for me, the support from both families was amazing, completely appreciated, and ultimately made our first married Christmas a successful one. 

I can't thank Dave and Ellen enough for welcoming me into their family in such a genuine way, while also thanking my parents for being so supportive in some of the changes that marriage brings your way as well.

Change is a complicated matter when it comes to humans, they either really love it or hate it. If it requires effort, they hate it. If it provides pleasure, they love it. If there is no perceived problem, there is no big change. Sometimes you don't know what direction to head in, or it doesn't excite you to make changes. Once you are able to see that every ounce of effort is worth the change you are making, it is a no brainer. The value of change and growth is overwhelming and the support is monumental. 

Kate and I are now able to look at each other, give a firm high-five,
and say that we have successfully had our first married Holidays! 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Gift Giving: The Stress, The Effort, The Season of Giving

The holiday season is typically filled with so many positive feelings. For some though, the thought of their "dysfunctional family" getting together, having to buy gifts, sign cards, wrap presents, and potentionally travel many miles seems like an absolute nightmare.

I understand where they are coming from with the whole wrapping of the gifts piece, not my strength and never will be, I have accepted this reality of mine and my sisters have driven home the point many times. Understandably, the holidays can be a stressful time. For this reason I want to provide you with a small piece of advice while taking on one aspect of the holidays, gift giving. 

How the hell are you supposed to know exactly what to get your wife, children, significant other, or any family member for that matter when they either provide you with a "60 item list" or say "it's the thought that counts". Either scenario leaves you in a precarious spot of wondering, stressing, and wishing someone else could do this for you. Fear not though!

 I am hear to give you some advice on how to make gift giving a little easier for you this holiday.

First, remember what you are doing in the first place. You are giving! A selfless act that is done for somebody else without the expectation of reciprocation. Remind yourself that the overall act of giving a gift is positive, selfless, and appreciated one (although sometimes it may not seem that way!). 

Here are a couple rules to follow (some from personal experience and others just rules)

1. Put effort into your card and wrapping.
This point is even more true when gifting for females. They care just as much about what's in the card and the efforts put into wrapping as they do the present. Stay honest and genuine with your words.

2. Stay within your means.
Listen, I understand you may be a "people pleaser" or the whole nature of the holidays has put you in a generous mood, but set a budget and stay to it. Sometimes this can be a fun challenge for a couple. My wife and I for the holidays cap it off at $100, which for some may be a lot and for others not, but regardless it forces you to get creative while keeping that urge to overspend in check.

3. Gifts aren't everything.
Believe it or not your material things that you own (house, car, electronics..etc) can only account for 10% of your happiness. The other 90% is how you react to these things. People, including you, place the meaning in the gifts, the words you share in your card, and the time you choose to spend with loved ones. Choose wisely, communicate genuinely, and stay in the moment. 


Well, you may still be stressed moving forward into the holiday, but before giving up on it, try at least one of the pieces of advice out for size. Works for me, and for many other people. Join the population of individuals that actually look forward to this season of giving and drown out (at least temporarily) your inner Scrooge.


HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Grow a Mustache and Save Mankind

The Movember Foundation is the leading global organization committed to changing the face of men’s health.

The Movember community has raised $559 million to date and funded over 800 programs in 21 countries. This work is saving and improving the lives of men affected by prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health problems.

 

The Movember Foundation challenges men to grow moustaches during Movember (formerly known as November), to spark conversation and raise vital funds for its men’s health programs. To date, 4 million moustaches have been grown worldwide, but we won't stop growing as long as serious men’s health issues exist.

Take a look at the Movember Men's Health Checklist 

to See What You Need to Be On Top Of:

BLOOD PRESSURE  Every 2 years or annually if high/low FASTING CHOLESTEROL  Every 5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result DENTAL HEALTH  Annual check up EYE HEALTH  Every 2 years or as doctor recommends IMMUNIZATIONS  Tetanus-diphtheria at age 19 and annual flu vaccine SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES  Regular Checks and HPV vaccine if appropriate SKIN CANCER  Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check TESTICULAR CANCER  Monthly self-exam, especially if there is a family history	BLOOD PRESSURE  Every 2 years or annually if high/low FASTING CHOLESTEROL  Every 5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result DENTAL HEALTH  Annual check up EYE HEALTH  Every 2 years or as doctor recommends IMMUNIZATIONS  Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years and annual flu vaccine SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES  Regular checks, if appropriate SKIN CANCER  Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check TESTICULAR CANCER  Monthly self-exam, especially if there is a family history
BLOOD PRESSURE  Every 2 years or annually if high/low FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS Every 3-5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result DENTAL HEALTH  Annual check up DIABETES  Blood sugar test –hemoglobin A1c– at age 45, or earlier if overweight or other risk factors are present EYE HEALTH  Every 2 years or as doctor recommends IMMUNIZATIONS  Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years and annual flu vaccine PROSTATE CANCER  Baseline PSA test if African-American or there is a family history; age 50 otherwise SKIN CANCER  Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR  The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease	BLOOD PRESSURE  Every 2 years or annually if high/low FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS  Every 3-5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result COLORECTAL CANCER  Annual check up DENTAL HEALTH  Annual check up DIABETES  Annual check up EYE HEALTH  Every 2 years or as doctor recommends IMMUNIZATIONS  Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years and annual flu vaccine OSTEOPOROSIS  If risk factors are present PROSTATE CANCER  Annual check up SKIN CANCER  Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR  The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease
ABDOMINAL ULTRASOUND  Men between ages 65–75 who have smoked BLOOD PRESSURE Every 2 years or annually if high/low FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS Every 5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result COLORECTAL CANCER  Annual check up DENTAL HEALTH  Annual check up DIABETES  Every 3 years or as doctor recommends EYE HEALTH  Every 2 years or as doctor recommends IMMUNIZATIONS  Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years, annual flu vaccine, and shingles/herpes zoster vaccine once after age 60 HEARING  If you are over age 65, have your hearing checked OSTEOPOROSIS  If risk factors are present PROSTATE CANCER  Annual check up SKIN CANCER  Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR  The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease	ABDOMINAL ULTRASOUND  Men between ages 65–75 who have smoked BLOOD PRESSURE  Every 2 years or annually if high/low FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS  Every 5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result COLORECTAL CANCER  Annual check up DENTAL HEALTH  Annual check up DIABETES  Every 3 years or as doctor recommends. EYE HEALTH  Every 2 years or as doctor recommends IMMUNIZATIONS  Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years, annual flu vaccine, and pneumococcal vaccine after age 65 HEARING  Annual check up PROSTATE CANCER  Annual check up SKIN CANCER  Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR  The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease

Swish Away Your Negative Thoughts

Whether you are good or bad at if, we ALL visualize things before doing it. Just like we all have that pesky inner voice and dialogue that never seems to mute itself. I want to present you with a technique I have used with many clients and myself that is a powerful way to redirect your negative thoughts, feelings, and mind-states.

Humans are condition to "see this" and then "feel this". That is more then acceptable when what your seeing and thinking is positive. We all know this is frequently not the case. 

Use the "Swish Technique" video and step by step visual instructions to redirect that negative thinking and regain some positive control back in your life. 

Enjoy!

Step 1: Empty Movie Theatre

Imagine you are sitting in an empty movie theatre with 

a blank movie screen in front of you. 

Step 2: Create a Negative Picture "A"

Create an image that creates negative emotions and 

thoughts such as, anxiety and fear.

Step 3: Create a Positive Picture "B"

Create an image that creates very clear positive emotions and thoughts such as, confidence, happiness, and excitement.

Step 4: Put Negative Picture "A" Up With a Small Positive Picture "B"With picture "A" back up on the screen, make picture "b" the size of a postage stamp and place it down in the corner of the movie screen. You know what this small picture contain, although you may not be able to see all the details while it is this small.

Step 5: Count Down 3-2-1 and 

Make a Loud SWISHHH!

With picture "A" on the screen and the small picture "B" in the lower corner you will count down from 3 to 1 and at 1 you will make a loud "swishhh" sound. During that "swishhh" sound you will take the small picture "B" and blow it up to take over the entire screen. You now no longer can see negative picture "A" and can only see positive picture "B".

Step 6: Look At Positive Picture "B" and State the Positive Emotions You Feel Seeing It

Now that positive picture "B" is on the big screen, take it in and feel the positivity. Ask yourself, "How do I feel seeing this positive picture". Really try and associate the positive emotions and thoughts with the picture.

Step 7: Clear Your Mind and Repeat

Congratulations on completing round one! Now clear your mind by standing up, counting, clapping your hands, and doing what's necessary to clear that noggin of yours. You are going to repeat this entire process 7-8x. 

That's it! Use this technique to redirect your thoughts and recondition your responses to particular circumstances and environments. 

ENJOY!

There Is No Off Switch!

One of the many things that human's possess that never shuts off is our ears. Even when we are sleeping, we are listening. In such a noisy world full of distractions, loud noises, and multi-tasking, how are we actually able to listen to anything worthwhile?

Is listening to those around us even possible anymore?

Something is wrong here, right?

Humans use listening to gain meaning through sound, but in a world so noisy this requires more energy then ever. 

Take for instance being on a subway and looking around at how many people are wearing headphones, listening to their music. These people may seem like the are attempting to fully devote their ears to their music and are fully focused in on it. What this creates though is a bunch of individuals isolating themselves and not actually listening to those around them. It is sometimes no wonder why people find it hard to communicate, relate, and connect with people. We are frequently in our own worlds!

What needs to happen to regain this integral piece of communication and connection. The piece that helps us understand each other, gain meaning from one another, and exist together.

Well... here are 3 steps to start regaining our ability to listen:

Reboot Our Ears: 

Take 3 minutes (only 90 seconds) of silence a day (or quietness). This actually helps your ears recalibrate themselves. Returning them to a place of higher performance.

Relate Sounds: 

Some people find particular noises "annoying" or "distracting", such as an air-conditioner, a truck/train going by, or a baby crying. Try to take some of the sounds you hear on a day to day basis and relate them to something positive. Imagine your world when those sounds don't piss you off or get you in a negative mood. 

Follow the Rules: 

So we have lost our ability to fully listen to those around us which has resulted in retaining only 25% of what we listen to! We are better then that, and here is an acronym that will help you retain more information.

R.A.S.A.

• R eceive: Pay attention to the person. (eye contact, look at their lips, stay focused)
• A ppreciate: Use small sounds/word to appreciate what the person is saying (hmm, okay, yes...etc)
• S ummarize: Old trick in the book. If you reflect back some of the information you were just told it will not only help you remember it but will make the other person feel appreciated and respected. (try starting the summary by saying "So")
• A sk: Use relevant questions as a way of expressing interest, staying engaged, and as another staple to retain more information.

Remember that listening is how we understand each other and the things around us. It is always one of the top issues in relationships and families. It is worth paying close attention to.

*Some of the information provided above was derived from Julian Teasure's TED Talk "5 Ways to Listen Better".

You Have a Secret Power

Why do adults love being around children? 

Do they have special powers, are we naturally drawn to them, or do they uncover a piece of us that wishes we could be just as 

happy as they are?

One thing is for sure, they smile and they do it a lot. When you compare it to their older counterparts, adults, there is no comparison. Whether the numbers are spot on or off by a bit, the jury is no longer out, kids laugh and smile far more than adults. 

The good news is that you have access to this super power as well. Some things you should know about smiling before moving forward, so that you can really get an idea of the power of your smiles. 

  

  1.  ONE SMILE = 2,000 Bars of Chocolate

• Research shows that one genuine smile produces the same amount of brain activity as eating 2,000 bars of chocolate.

  2.  ONE SMILE = $25,000

• British researchers found that one smile provide the same amount of brain stimulation as receiving $25,000. 

   3.  We smile before being born.

• 3D Ultrasound technology is able to show that developing babies actually smile in the womb!

---

Now that we know the power of smiling, lets look at the smiling cycle and how smiling impacts us as well as other people. 

1. You Smile: Just Because

2. You Look Good and Feel Good: Brain imaging and EEG shows that "feel good" hormones are released as a reaction to you smiling. It makes you feel better and more confident. 

3. Others See You Smile: When others see you smile, neurons known as "Mirror Neurons" encourage you to feel the same emotion that is in front of you, HAPPY! (check them out! "The Mind's Mirror" American Psychological Association) 

4. They Mimic You and Smile: The same way that yawning seems to be contagious, smiles are as well. You see someone smile and naturally you desire to as well. Those Mirror Neurons at work once again! 

5. They Look Good and Feel Good: If you look good and feel good while smiling, why can't others? Share the wealth! Those same "feel good" hormones, predominately Serotonin, are released when others smile as well.

6. You Smile: It all will feed back to you or extend onto others.  

---

YOUR JOB

Make sure to smile multiple times each day. Especially when feeling a little down. 

Smile for your sake and others as well. 

Your smiles impact others.

3 Life Lessons I Learned From My Wedding Day

What turns out to be one of, if not the most, important days of your life....YOUR WEDDING!

For decades the "traditional wedding" has seem to be a thing of the past. Sure you have old traditions at your wedding but wedding counts exceeding 200 people, costs of $30,000+, ceremonies held outside of churches and synagogues, and new traditions that newlyweds want to establish for themselves for the first time simply show us that weddings are different these days.

One thing that hasn't changed over time (for most people), is that your wedding day is a learning experience. I want to share what I learned on my wedding day at Sakonnet Vineyards in Little Compton Rhode Island on August 9th, 2014.

3 Life Lessons From My Wedding

1. Take a Moment for Yourself.

Life gets pretty crazy at points. Our world can sometimes consist of our own expectations, external expectations, procrastination, multitasking, and so on. 

When do you get a moment to slow down, savor the moment, be present and mindful, and witness what is going on around you? The answer is, you need to create this moment for yourself. A moment to yourself and in such a small amount of time (even a couple minutes), is enough to help you shift your focus, improve your mood, and become more mindful. 

On Kate and my wedding day, during our first dance we were in our own bubble. My younger sister and her boyfriend sang our first song (January Wedding by The Avett Brothers, changed to "August Wedding" -- Check her out Whitney Wolf Music). We heard it, but saw no one around, it was just us. My appreciation for the day drastically went up at that very moment.

2. Express Yourself

We are human and are driven by emotions. The reality is, some emotions are easier to express than others. This means a couple things. First, find another source to express through such as, painting, music, writing...etc. Second, you deserve to express your emotions... intelligently. 

Check out this site on Emotional Intelligence --> What is Emotional Intelligence?

On my wedding day, I was excited, anxious, and so unbelievably happy. I made it a point to express all of those that day in their own respective ways. I believe this picture is a culmination of all three of those emotions coming out!

3. Be Part of Something Bigger

On August 9th of this year I became part of something bigger, an extended family that I truly have felt a part of for the past 5 years. To put it lightly...it felt good. 

One undeniable human need in this world is for "connection/love". We desire to connect/love others and be connected/loved by others. One thing that most people look over is that our need for connection and love can be partially met and enhanced through being connected to other things like our environment, our health, the food we eat, and many more venues.

Find new sources in your life of connection and love to enhance your own experiences and meet your own needs.

I LOVE YOU KATE WOLF!

Tinder, Match, eHarmony... OH MY!

"I don't feel like picking a girl up at a bar."

"I always seem to meet a guy that is completely wrong for me."

"It is such an easy hook up."

"They didn't look like their profile picture."

For those familiar with the online dating scene these thoughts may hit all to close to home. When it comes to trying Plenty of Fish or the recently popularized site Tinder, everyone seems to have such high hopes. 

Sure they take the "going out to meet someone" concept out of the equation and match individualizes based on personality, interests and relationship goals, but is this potentially causing more harm than good? This is in no way discounting the healthy and long lasting relationships that have bloomed from online dating, because there are many. Nor is this claiming that online dating is bad, in fact it helps many people connect with individuals they wouldn't have in the first place. 

For perspective sake, could pre-matching individuals be handicapping us by minimizing the real life challenges presented while trying to connect with someone in a less constructed social environment?

Sure, that sounds like a hypothesis for a politically correct research paper, but the real question is "Why does this generation need online dating so bad?" 

Reasons I have heard so far:

"I don't have enough time to go meet somebody." (very popular one)

"I am not good at hitting on women/guys at a bar."

"It takes all the middle stuff out."

Online dating has its purposes, but the perspective I would like to provide you with is how to use online dating principles to improve your non-online dating love life. 

PRINCIPLE #1

Proximity Principle

Put simply, things that are closer to each other tend to stay together, get grouped together, and form interpersonal relationships. Tinder uses this technique quite wonderfully by searching for potential matches in your area. To steal some of this effect and apply it without an online dating profile, find local hang outs and places of interests. This could be a coffee shop/cafe, restaurant, parks...etc. Whatever it is, if it is closer to where you work, live, or typically hangout the likelihood of seeing the same people more then once will increase. 

Read more... Law of Attraction: Proximity

PRINCIPLE #2

VULNERABILITY 

So you don't want to share your entire life and baggage on the first date or even first encounter but you do want to create a genuine connection. Online dating allows you put some of that information out there for others to judge whether or not it is in sync with their beliefs, values, and priorities. What you need to do is find that middle ground between "What time is it?" or "Great weather today" with "How many ex-girlfriends/boyfriends do you have" or "I would love to have kids". There is a time and place for this. Offer a little information that creates a small amount of vulnerability and let them know you are human. For example, when I first started dating my wife I told her that I grew up the middle child of two sisters and that is most likely why I am able to handle "chick-flicks". I could of been judged on this but instead it was a source of humor and connection.

PRINCIPLE #3

LETS BE FRIENDS

Regardless of your dating goals, it is more than okay to establish "non-romantic" relationships. In the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that couples who value their friendship over other aspects of their relationships report greater romance and sexual satisfaction over couples who look to their partners mostly for sexual gratification. Take the time to get to know somebody and establish a foundation to build off of. Sex is one aspect of a relationship and is popular thing for couples to focus on. If you meet somebody out, focus on building a genuine connection and not simply a physical one. 

I hope you are able to find these 3 principles useful in your 

search for that special somebody. 

Positive Experiences to Make You Happier

The Rules of Life: According to the Bonnaroo Music Festival

The basic building blocks of your life's journey and the decisions you make are your beliefs and the code you live by. For some, religion may provide these pieces. For others, past life experiences could contribute. Our belief system is dynamic and is pieced together from a wide array of sources.

After attending for the second time the Bonnaroo Music Festival 2014, I decided on reading their "Code and Terms" in the festival info section. This is where I realized two things. First, these "codes" are meant for everybody, everywhere, at any time. Second, I saw this "code" actually be put into effect and the result was 90,000-100,000 people in one area for 4 days maintaining peace.

Now I present to you, "The Rules of Life: According to the Bonnaroo Music Festival"

1. PREPARE THY SELF

Bonnaroo Meaning: Pack the right stuff for the blazing Tennessee sun and four days of no showering. 

Life Meaning: One thing that makes humans unique is their ability to project into the future, to predict outcomes and prepare themselves. Unfortunately, we are not always accurate and can not always predict what life will bring our way. It has a funny way of throwing curve balls and wrenches at us sometimes. 

Make sure you are equipped with effective coping mechanisms, support, and resources to battle even the hardest of life's challenges. 

2. PLAY AS A TEAM

Bonnaroo Meaning: There is going to be so many friggin people here, just help each other out and all will be good. 

Life Meaning: Whether you like it or not, we all need some help sometimes. Lend a hand and support those around you, others will see and want to help back. Most of the time, people appreciate at least an offer to help let alone an actual helping hand. This could mean helping your partner out or a complete stranger. Either way, be the example of what a good teammate is. 

3. RADIATE POSITIVITY

Bonnaroo Meaning: You are pretty much on vacation. Listen to awesome music, eat, hang out and be merry. 

Life Meaning: Ever heard of "Debbie Downer"? Negativity is infectious, well so is positivity. Don't just simply feel positive, radiate it so others will see. Research shows that positive emotions and events add to your happiness. Be pro-active in your positivity. Radiate the hell out of it.

4. RESPECT THE FARM

Bonnaroo Meaning: Don't throw trash on the ground, nobody wants to be sitting in your garbage. Use one of the hundreds of recycling, compost, and trash can around you. 

Life Meaning: Respect your environment. This doesn't simply mean to recycle, throw your trash in a can, or be more green, it also means to respect your own home, room, and body. Eat healthy, exercise, and keep your personal spaces clean. A clean body and clean home is a happy person!






5. DON'T BE THAT GUY/GAL

Bonnaroo Meaning: There are plenty of things to complain about. The heat, your legs hurting from standing so long, or the lack of showering at the festival. Don't bring down your own positive vibe along with your friends.

Life Meaning: Life has challenging moments and we ALL experience them. Even when things are less then optimal, keep in mind that your mindset and emotions don't just affect you and have an impact on those around you. Remember to search for the positive in all that is thrown your way and to radiate positivity.





6. STAY TRUE ROO

Bonnaroo Meaning: When at Bonnaroo, everybody gets a long and thoroughly enjoys themselves. The problem is that Bonnaroo lasts only 4 days and your life continues afterwards. Implement the positive things you learned at Bonnaroo into your  everyday life.

Life Meaning: Don't radiate positivity for one day. Don't lend a helping hand one time. Don't find the positive in one circumstance. Don't treat your body and space with respect 1 day out of the week. Implement these strategies as frequently as possible and create your new normal!




If this code of ethics can get almost 100,000 people to be peaceful and happy for four days, I believe it can work for you. 

Examine your current lifestyle and see which "Rule of Life" you could afford to implement more frequently. Share your experience on YouTime Coaching's Facebook page --> YouTime's FB Page

3 Important Things to Know About Change

The "Self-Help" field is a multi-billion dollar a year industry. By the figures alone, most people are consistently trying to improve themselves, experience change, and accomplish goals.

There is potential for significant harm when simply picking up a self-help book in the local bookstore. Here is a great clip of Dr. John Norcross (one of the leading researchers in personal and professional change), sharing how there are actually only a couple, literally, a couple resources out there proven to work and how others can cause serious harm to you.

If you skipped down to this before watching the clip, don't try taking a short-cut (that may say something about how you also approach your own personal and professional change). Go back and watch it.

Okay, so you have watched the clip and I want to now provide you with what I believe are 3 of the most important researched and proven to work strategies that will be vital to any self-change.

Strategy 1:
"Nobody wants to achieve the negative"

Imagine setting a goal, such as, 
"I want to stop procrastinating"
"I want to not overeat" 
"I want to stop being attracted to jerks"
"I don't want to work a miserable job"

Does this sound all too familiar? 
A huge number of individuals fall short in a fundamental piece to goal setting, which is, DO NOT SET NEGATIVE GOALS. Nobody wants to achieve a negative goal or move forward with it. 

Almost sounds conflicting..."I am going to achieve and make progress with the negative"

When setting your goal, make sure to set it in a "positive-frame" rather than a "negative frame". I will list some examples.

"I will stop procrastinating" (negative frame)
"i will be more pro-active and assertive" (positive frame)

"I don't want to overeat" (negative frame)
"I will be more mindful and conscious regarding my meals" (positive frame)

Moving towards something positive and something "gained" has a far more positive impact then trying to "avoid the negative" or "delete" something out of your life. The "positive frame" will help with your mental and physical endurance while pursuing the goal!

Strategy 2:
"Nobody wants to be alone"

Sure we all want to think that we can make changes, reach goals, and live amazing lives all by ourselves. As much as this sounds nice and empowering, research shows that it is absolutely necessary to have a support team along the way.

Your social support team will not only help you progress with your goals, but is actually a huge factor in an individuals happiness!

This is what you need to do. 

• Make a list of specific ways you need support in achieving your change.                              
• Number the specific ways so you know exactly how many people you need on your "team".
• Start fielding a team by contacting people you know and specifically asking for their help in the way that you need it. (remember that some may not be comfortable, knowledgeable, or willing to help out for many reasons. It is important you are clear with them about what you are trying to accomplish and ask them if they can support you in that way)
• Keep your team updated throughout the process and stay connected! (communicate with them if you need check ins, help with accountability...etc)

Things to think about regarding support:

• There are different types of support, so different people should be included as each person offers something new. 
• Some people aren't able to provide the support you need, so be clear with them about your needs and respect if they aren't able to help out. 
• You are not looking for friends and family to coach you. Many people would like to add their "5 cents" to the conversation. This is not the support you are looking for. That support comes from a trained and experienced Life Coach. 

Strategy 3:

"If you take steps backwards, you will want to stop walking"

So you establish a specific, attainable, realistic, and timely goal that is in line with your values, now what?

One of the pieces I purposely left out of the above equation is making your goal "measurable". 

You MUST find ways to measure your progress.

Research shows that measuring progress can increase your self-confidence, motivation to continue, and happiness. On a simple level, take a second and think about why anybody would desire to continue pursuing something that you are not showing improvement or making progress on. 

Truth is, they don't want to continue! 

In this day and age, technology can be your friend and help you track progress. Here is a link that will provide apps that help you track progress on numerous types of goals.

Link: Smart Phone Apps for Self-Change

YouTime Coaching provides Life Coaching and Therapeutic Mentoring to individuals and families. YouTime Coaching works side by side with individuals to help create direction, passion, and produce lasting personal and professional change. Together we create an environment for clients that truly delivers the necessary "YOU" time needed to regain focus, motivation, and the desire to grow.  Together, we will discover what truly motivates and drives your most successful decisions and behaviors.

YouTime Coaching will help define your goals, support systems, purpose and value to change, help find multiple ways of achieving it, and make the necessary shifts in body, language, and focus to get you there. Through working with a diverse population of clients, YouTime Coaching has successfully helped many adolescents, adults, parents, athletes, and those in the performing arts with building resiliency, motivation, confidence, and lasting personal and professional change. 

Contact YouTime Coaching today.